Sunday, 15 September 2013

The Gandhi Clan - Software Version !!

Jawaharlal Nehru (v J.0) went offline in 1964 after a hard disk failure owing to outdated hardwares. Indira Gandhi (v J.1.0) went offline in 1984 after her systems were hacked by her own anti viruses. Rajiv Gandhi (v J.2.0) was online till 1991 when a trojan managed to sneak past the firewall and blew the systems directory.

Sonia G (v J.2.1) and Rahul G (v J.3) [the modified version of Rajiv G], are running on the latest processors with frequent software upgrades provided by various open service providers. Their system files have been inaccessible lately, being protected by an illogical OS (UPA) and antiviruses (DigVJ, PC, Manish Tiwari etc.).

Their firewall models have been challenged by Arvind K, the latest and advanced software released by Anna Hz. This software has uncovered some scam folders occupying large segments of system memory and HD space and having a few files related to the G-family softwares.

Saturday, 14 September 2013

परीक्षा !!

सुबह सुबह नींद के आगोश से जब बाहर निकले
तो झाँका खिड़की से बाहर, मौसम खुशनुमा लग रहा था |
मेज पर खुली पड़ी किताब थी,
और एक जवाब अभी भी अधूरा सा लग रहा था |

छोड़ के बिस्तर का आराम, हम उठ खड़े हुए,
तब पाया कि दिल में एक दर्द सा उठ रहा था |
तबियत का तो ना हाल पूछिए,
बस दोपहर के इम्तेहान का डर सता रहा था |

बैठे थे सवालों के इंतज़ार में,
दिल हमारा घबरा रहा था |
सहमी हुई साँसें थी सबकी चारों ओर,
और दिमाग़ हमारा अब भी उबासियाँ ले रहा था |

एक नज़र जो डाली उस काग़ज़ पर,
कि दिमाग़ अब भी जागने से इनकार कर रहा था |
देखा चारों और, साथियों से नज़रें चार हुईं,
तब जाना की हमारा पड़ोसी भी कुछ नही लिख रहा था |

बीत गया सारा समय कश्मकश में, 
दिमाग़ में शायद कुछ घोटाला चल रहा था |
“कैसा हुआ पेपर भाई ??” पूछा अपने दोस्त से,
मुस्कुरा दिए हम भी जब वो भी मुस्कुरा रहा था |

Missing The One !!

Yesterday, today, tomorrow,
And the day after,
I fail everyday,
To get over her smile, 
And her laughter.

Friday, 6 September 2013

Digvijay Singh Hospitalized Following an Overuse of Common Sense

Congress party’s very own KRK equivalent, Digvijay Singh, was hospitalized early in the morning following some mental instability.
It is speculated that his behavior was the result of a rational argument with his milkman and sabjiwaala which might have burdened his brain with this unusually demanding job of logic.
His family seemed worried and said this was alarming since he hasn’t used his brain ever since he joined Congress and may have a severe consequence.
The milkman and the sabjiwaala have been booked for harassment and for ‘compelling a politico out of his comfort zone’. (Both of them gave up midway of the argument, unable to digest his logic).
With an IQ of 43, Digvijay Singh is one of the smartest members of the Congress and the party members seemed mindful of this fact. Sonia ji, Rahul baba and other members have been pouring in to wish Digvijay a speedy recovery. Raj Babbar sent his Rs.12 ‘get well soon’ greeting card and Mr. Moily expressed his solidarity in a press conference after 8 pm.
An inside source, begging to be named, has told Faking News that Digvijay Singh is stable and the doctors have recommended him to continue with his statements in the media.
The medical staff taking care of him has been quarantined fearing contamination with his brain wreckage. He will be unleashed (read discharged) for the country to bear after some more tests. “Oh shit” was the most common expression after this news.

This post has also been published on Faking News.

Congress Party Ticket Application Form

Thank you for showing interest in a Con-gress Party ticket. We are the undisputed leaders in fooling the voters for over 60 years now. Come join us and be a part of it.
  1. Must follow Rahul baba, Digvijay Singh and others on twitter and re-tweet their tweets frequently. Must like all Gandhi family pages on Facebook.
  2. Must be willing to participate in regular scams.
  3. Must be Secular (hahaha) and anti-Modi.
  4. Swiss bank accounts are a necessity.
Perks and benefits
  1. Complete insurance cover (including prison-free tenure, patents for scams) for 5 years if selected.
  2. Claim to fame by being publicly stupid in the media (under the guidance from Sri Digvijay ji).
  3. Free travel.
  4. Potential President-ship after retirement.

Please fill the following form to the join the biggest name in the Con business.
Personal details
Name ________________________ (surname must NOT be Modi or related)
IQ ______ (above 50 not acceptable)
Sex_____ (Male/Female /Engineer/Uncertain)
Favorite Digvijay Singh quotes ______________________________________________________
In case of you or the party is found guilty, please choose the default entity to blame
  • RSS
  • Opposition ki saazish
  • ISI
  • Arvind Kejriwaal, Anna

No of scams participated in ____
Details of any major scam and your role ________________________________________________________________________________________________
Dinner at a dalit’s house ?? (yes/no) ______
(If no, then have some and upload the pictures on our Facebook page for further verifications)
Targeted net worth over the next 5 years ___________

Constituency details
(Note – the constituency must have at least 5 streets, street lamps etc. named after a Gandhi family member)
Constituency name ____________
Development details and projections for the next few years ________________________________________________________________
(‘pothole-free roads’, ‘24 hour water and electricity supply’, and other such abusive terms must not be used)

Details to take care of while filling the form
  1. Any disrespect to Con-gress, Rahul baba or any respect to anyone else may result in the applicant being locked in a room with Digvijay Singh’s media comment tapes.
  2. The party reserves the rights to tag any applicant as a member of the opposition or RSS.
  3. Any mention of Gujarat or M-word will be dealt with severe consequences.

This post has also been published on Faking News.

Tuesday, 3 September 2013

Love Story Of A Nerd !!

When I first saw her, I was a bit skeptic. My friends said she was good, maybe the best. But I had to see that myself. And once I got to know her, I fell in love with her instantly. It was tough solving her problems, but that's what set her apart from the rest and that was why I loved her so very bad.

The Lost Love !!

My heart skipped a beat,
That moment,
That second,
When I saw you first.

That charming smile,
Those big pretty gleaming eyes,
That lone strand of hair brushing your face,
It was beautiful.

It dawned upon me then,
I can't have you,
You will never be mine.
Only the memories will remain.

I regret having seen you,
Having met you,
Having laughed with you,
And having loved you.

Your memories have died down, eventually.
And though it has cost me my heart,
Being shattered to pieces,
I am glad you are a mere shadow now.

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