Tuesday, 28 May 2013

The Might Of Yellow !!

The color yellow fascinates me and the reasons are plenty. The obsession is so in my head that any team sporting yellow jersey adds me in the list of it’ssupporters. And I may not be the only one.
Psychologically speaking, yellow is said to be the color of mind and intellect. It radiates optimism and cheer. That, evidently, is showcased by the teams sporting the color, be it CSK in IPL (cricket), LA Lakers in NBA (basketball) or Brazil in international football.
Now let’s consider a case study. For the sake of convenience and our precious time constraints, let’s just consider only the teams I just mentioned.

Thursday, 23 May 2013

Hostel ki Rotiyan !!

1. Todo to jaane...
A challenge from mess workers. You would require both your hands and, a pair of scissors would be an added bonus. The real challenge being shoving the pieces down your esophagus and keeping them in your body for as long as possible before they get rejected.

2. Wet...
Too much liquid on the rotis (they call it 'ghee '). Slimy as hell. You would have to treat it like an after-shower towel and squeeze the 'ghee ' out before your digestive system even starts considering it as edible.

3. The pseudo-roti...
Looks like a normal roti from a distance but turns out to be an uncooked masterpiece with just enough adhesive to hold the flour together and maintain the shape.

4. The black hole...
Just like the typical black hole mortals are aware of, this thing will suck-in all your happiness, hunger and the will to live. You got it right, it sucks.

Oversmart Engineer !!

An interviewer once asked a CSE student,''Tell me, what languages do you speak ??''
The candidate, with a wry smile, replied,''Well sir, I speak HTML, C , JAVA and some more !!''

He was beaten to pulp on the day of joining for 
trying to be smarter than his pay-package allowed him to be.

Saturday, 18 May 2013

The Institute of Premier League - An Analogy !!

I have tried to co-relate the IPL tournament with the type of students most of us encounter during our college life. Hope it’s worth it. Any mis-statement of facts, or any omission of some significant event  purely shows the writer’s carelessness, idiocy (add adjective).

At the Institute of Premier League (IPL)...

CSK is like the consistent college topper. He competes with himself. He manages his time well. Buys the right books, makes proper notes and has been a consistent 9 pointer every semester, earning respect as well. He utilizes foreign authored books well and is resourceful in using the local authors as well. He even went to a foreign university on scholarship and dominated there as well (Champions League).

Friday, 3 May 2013

The Story of a Viva !!

''Hello, what’s your name ??''
''Sir Alok.''
''Ok, so sir Alok, are you prepared ? What did you study ? “
Are you kidding me ! Who in hell prepares for a viva exam. The only things you need to know are the time and venue of the exam.

“Well not much sir, I just brushed up the basics.” By ‘basics’ I meant a couple of movies, senseless internet surfing and the subject’s name.
“So Alok, tell me what’s hfdhskfjh and how can we kdhfh hdhdj it ?''. It must have meant something sensible to the examiner. But to me it was as good as German to UP ke Bhaiya ji.

And honestly, my viva exam was over then and there. The real test after that was that of the examiner's patience.
''Um... Err... Ugh... It is... Err... But... Ummm.'' That was my answer, convincing enough had I been my own examiner.

''Ok.. Let’s try again. Tell me what is agstd ?'' I pitied his gullibility. He thought a different question would bring out a sensible answer out of me. So cute.
''Well sir, it is a circuit which uses the principle of agstd and it is used to design more complex agstd circuits.'' I could hear Faraday laughing his ass out, Maxwell jumping in front of a train and my examiner calculating which fan would support his weight if he tried to hang himself to one.
''No no no, those are ftnsht circuits you are talking about. Agstd circuits are a bit different. Anyway, let’s ask a simple one.'' He said, suppressing his temper.
''Bring it on.'' I challenged him, in my head.
''Define lsdhfdj law of djhfh.''
''Sir ye wala page nahi tha meri book mein L ''  

From his looks, it was evident that if he had an arms license, he would have been a mass murderer because, let’s face it, I am not the only of my kind, having a degree in pissing off viva examiners.
His questions and my replies together made it look like it was a boxing bout. He was good but just couldn’t tackle my counter-punches.

As Dr. Lanning would say, "I'm sorry, my responses are limited. You must ask the right questions.

Normally, a professor, after having enough of geniuses like me, excuses them and asks them to leave the room. My examiner defied that protocol. With tears in his eyes, he silently stood up and left the room himself. He was never seen again.

I triumphantly walked out of the room.
oye viva kaisa gaya ??”
kya pucha bata jaldi ??”
Now, this one was a moment to cherish. Every student turns into a celebrity after their viva-exams, with his colleagues wanting to know the what, how and why of everything that happened in that room.

Arrey viva mast tha yaar. Saare questions ke answer diye. 
Asaan se questions pooch raha hai wo. 
Achha, kal kaun sa hai ??”

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