Saturday, 10 August 2013

The Story Of A Lecture !!



“Sir, may I get in?”
“Why are you so late?”
“Why do you care? You still get your salary, don’t you?”
I am still waiting for the perfect moment, the ideally lenient professor to get away with this without any dire consequences. But basically, since I lack the guts, I would like someone to do it for me. I just want to be there. It’s a perfect practical PJ.

Anyway, err… yes, the lecture.
Many would agree with me when I say that every new lecture sets a new benchmark in terms of boredom and its degree increases as the time tends to afternoon, so much so that most of us, including me and my classmates, bunk the last or the last couple of lectures almost every day (do not judge me). And there isn’t anything interesting to look forward to in a lecture.
Most of them follow a similar script – blah blah blah blah, present sir, the end.


“Sir, may I get in?”
The professor looked at me for a second, then back at the rest of the class, refusing to believe in my existence. My classmates took up the responsibility of allowing me in, signaling “aaja, kuch nahi karega wo!”

I entered and horror struck. There was only one bench left vacant – first row and exactly in front of the board (professor). I wondered what this day, this lecture or this professor had done to deserve such an attendance. Now, considering I was the centre of amusement for the entire gathering including the continuous-terrifying glare of the professor and had already taken up enough time evaluating the consequences of attending multiple lectures on the first seat, I had no other option.
As a result, the professor and I played hide and seek for the remaining lecture. I looked down when he looked at me and I looked up when he turned away. Accidently, when our eyes met, I gave a convincing nod following a brief, confused expression pretending I understood every single word he said. As is obvious, the reality was far from it.

“Ok now, solve this question.” the professor demanded after scribbling something on the board which, to most of us, looked nothing more than an extinct ancient language. Needless to say, I had no idea what that was apart from some familiar words like ‘is’, ‘why’ etc along with a lot of unfamiliar technical terms I couldn't decipher.
That statement is hint enough to force every student to look into his notes, turn pages or scrawl random crap to make it seem like they are seriously attempting the solution. Nonetheless there exist some students, popularly called exceptions, who look straight into the professor’s eyes and suck the answer right out of his soul.

However for most of us simple ones, every professor turns into Medusa after these similar statements asking us for the answer. An eye-contact results in ‘yes you, stand up’ gesture or a call to solve the question on the board, or sudden death in other words, as the Greek mythology characterizes Medusa.
The situation worsened when the professor decided to take a walk around the class and started peeking into every notebook along the way.

In the Mahabharat, Arjun was lucky considering the sermon by Krishna, which eventually became a sacred book, wasn't followed by a PPT presentation and follow up questions. These questions scare the shit out of many students I think.

All of us heaved a sigh of relief when the moment was over, especially me since the majority of casualties are from the front rows, so the statistics suggest.

Then out of nowhere, some nerdy a’ho’ asked an intelligent looking question and pissed off the entire class, probably even the professor. This incident postponed the attendance further by some 5 minutes, for which we’ve already been waiting since eternity.


Anyway, the rest of the lecture passed smooth. I kept staring at my watch. There were moments when I felt like my watch gave up on me. Time stalled. The professor didn’t look at me again. I made sure for him to notice that I wasn’t the go-to person in want of a sensible answer. His expectations from me dropped drastically. I was happy again. The lecture culminated when he put a ‘p’ against my name in the attendance register.

Sometimes I wonder why these lectures aren’t classified as adventure sport. They test your patience, endurance and stamina, acting skills too occasionally and numb your brain for some time. Hmmm, interesting.
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